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You Thought You Had Problems - A Collection Of Suicide Notes

by Sandy Kromeir - The Oregon Herald Friday May 5, 2017    3:14 PM

It is our hope that you read these suicide notes, especially if you have an intention of writing one yourself. We hope these last notes from the depressed will change your mind ...

"Dear Mom, I love you with all my heart. I just wasn't meant for this world! I hope I can find a place of peace and happiness, a place I am child enough to live, yet man enough to survive. I love you! I hope you can truly believe me. Maybe on my journey I'll find Jesus. Pray for me mom. Pray I will find happiness. I hurt so bad inside! I want it all to go away. I want a new beginning. I am not afraid to die mom. I'm just so afraid of tomorrow!

To all my friends and loved ones, I ask of you one last favor: don't let my spirit die. Remember me for the laughs and the good times, the thrills we all had together. I hope I made a place in all your hearts and touched each and every one of you in a special way. I have chosen to die, but I haven't chosen to be forgotten. I must find a new world, a world of peace and happiness. I want you all to know I am not afraid to die, only to quit living. I'll miss you."

"The survival of the fittest. Adios Unfit."

"I'm going to put myself to sleep now for a bit longer than usual. Call the time eternity."

"I have no family and no friends, very little food, no viable job and very poor future prospects. I have therefore decided that there is no further point in continuing my life. It is my intention to drive to a secluded area, near my home, feed the car exhaust into the car, take some sleeping pills and use the remaining gas in the car to end my life."

"I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I went online to look up information on suicide: statistics, methods and all that stuff. I was raised in a family where I went to church every Sunday and was taught the importance of faith and God in our lives. It doesn't matter. It doesn't help me. I got hurt… bad… when I was a child. I was hurt in a way that no person, no little child should be hurt. I think about suicide on a daily basis… sometimes it's all that I can think about. I've been hospitalized for attempts before. I've been put on medications to help the depression… the mental disorders that doctors are so quick to diagnose. I'm sick of it all. Why should I bother trying anymore? I'm not even afraid of dying. I'm not afraid of pain. I just want to leave this world. Please pray for me. I'm tired of trying."

"Dear World, I am leaving you because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool – good luck."

"I have a feeling I shall go mad. I cannot go on longer in these terrible times. I shan't recover this time. I hear voices and cannot concentrate on my work. I have fought against it but cannot fight any longer."

"I must end it. There's no hope left. I'll be at peace."

"If I can't see my daughter here, I will see her from above…"

"I'm trying to watch TV but I don't know what I'm watching. It's so lonely here. I want to sleep but it just won't come. I'm so tired of hurting and being a lone. I keep thinking about the pills in the cabinet but I'm scared. My head hurts so much from crying but if I take anything for it I'm scared I won't stop and I would want to stop."

"I don't have any choice in the matter. To make everything better I have to die. I can't make it right by living. I'm so scared I want out but oh I don't know."

"I'm so cold, please do something. I can't stand this empty feeling that I'm having. My head is horrible. Stop the pounding it hurts so much. I have no control over anything in my life. I'm breaking into pieces. Somebody do something."

i

"What is a few short years to live in hell. That is all I get around here. No more I will pay the bills. No more I will drive the car. No more I will wash, iron & mend any clothes. No more I will have to eat the leftover articles that was cooked the day before. This is no way to live. Either is it any way to die. Her grub I can not eat. At night I can not sleep. I married the wrong nag-nag-nag and I lost my life."

"My kisses burn into your soul,
My touch melts upon your skin,
My eyes reflect my misery
Of the darkness deep within,
I am a waste of time,
So now I shall die."

"The time has come for me to move on. I don't come to this decision lightly, however, but now that I'm older, I've finally realized that there's a world of difference between living happily ever after and just living ever after. I may seem strong. But I'm not I'm just like anyone else. We can feel pain. We can die. And I won't be the one to destroy anyone else's hopes and dreams. Never again.

"I'm sacrificing myself to save the countless many who would have to die if I were to live. It's a noble cause, I figure. A good reason to die. I like to think you'd agree."

"So that's it. That's me. Leaving the world to be a better place."

"I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier 'til this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that — everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been."

"To my friends: my work is done. Why wait?"

"When all usefulness is over, when one is assured of an unavoidable and imminent death, it is the simplest of human rights to choose a quick and easy death in place of a slow and horrible one."

""Football season Is over. No more games. No more bombs. No more walking. No more fun. No more swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No fun for anybody. 67. You are getting greedy. Act your old age. Relax, this won't hurt."

"Goodbye, my friend, goodbye
My love, you are in my heart.
It was preordained we should part
And be reunited by and by.
Goodbye: no handshake to endure.
Let's have no sadness — furrowed brow.
There's nothing new in dying now
Though living is no newer."

"All fled–all done, so lift me on the pyre;
The feast is over, and the lamps expire."


One final suicide note:
Bill Zeller's Suicide Note:

I have the urge to declare my sanity and justify my actions, but I assume I'll never be able to convince anyone that this was the right decision. Maybe it's true that anyone who does this is insane by definition, but I can at least explain my reasoning. I considered not writing any of this because of how personal it is, but I like tying up loose ends and don't want people to wonder why I did this. Since I've never spoken to anyone about what happened to me, people would likely draw the wrong conclusions.

My first memories as a child are of being raped, repeatedly. This has affected every aspect of my life. This darkness, which is the only way I can describe it, has followed me like a fog, but at times intensified and overwhelmed me, usually triggered by a distinct situation. In kindergarten I couldn't use the bathroom and would stand petrified whenever I needed to, which started a trend of awkward and unexplained social behavior. The damage that was done to my body still prevents me from using the bathroom normally, but now it's less of a physical impediment than a daily reminder of what was done to me.

This darkness followed me as I grew up. I remember spending hours playing with legos, having my world consist of me and a box of cold, plastic blocks. Just waiting for everything to end. It's the same thing I do now, but instead of legos it's surfing the web or reading or listening to a baseball game. Most of my life has been spent feeling dead inside, waiting for my body to catch up.

At times growing up I would feel inconsolable rage, but I never connected this to what happened until puberty. I was able to keep the darkness at bay for a few hours at a time by doing things that required intense concentration, but it would always come back. Programming appealed to me for this reason. I was never particularly fond of computers or mathematically inclined, but the temporary peace it would provide was like a drug. But the darkness always returned and built up something like a tolerance, because programming has become less and less of a refuge.

The darkness is with me nearly every time I wake up. I feel like a grime is covering me. I feel like I'm trapped in a contimated body that no amount of washing will clean. Whenever I think about what happened I feel manic and itchy and can't concentrate on anything else. It manifests itself in hours of eating or staying up for days at a time or sleeping for sixteen hours straight or week long programming binges or constantly going to the gym. I'm exhausted from feeling like this every hour of every day.

Three to four nights a week I have nightmares about what happened. It makes me avoid sleep and constantly tired, because sleeping with what feels like hours of nightmares is not restful. I wake up sweaty and furious. I'm reminded every morning of what was done to me and the control it has over my life.

I've never been able to stop thinking about what happened to me and this hampered my social interactions. I would be angry and lost in thought and then be interrupted by someone saying "Hi" or making small talk, unable to understand why I seemed cold and distant. I walked around, viewing the outside world from a distant portal behind my eyes, unable to perform normal human niceties. I wondered what it would be like to take to other people without what happened constantly on my mind, and I wondered if other people had similar experiences that they were better able to mask.

Alcohol was also something that let me escape the darkness. It would always find me later, though, and it was always angry that I managed to escape and it made me pay. Many of the irresponsible things I did were the result of the darkness. Obviously I'm responsible for every decision and action, including this one, but there are reasons why things happen the way they do.

Alcohol and other drugs provided a way to ignore the realities of my situation. It was easy to spend the night drinking and forget that I had no future to look forward to. I never liked what alcohol did to me, but it was better than facing my existence honestly. I haven't touched alcohol or any other drug in over seven months (and no drugs or alcohol will be involved when I do this) and this has forced me to evaluate my life in an honest and clear way. There's no future here. The darkness will always be with me.

I used to think if I solved some problem or achieved some goal, maybe he would leave. It was comforting to identify tangible issues as the source of my problems instead of something that I'll never be able to change. I thought that if I got into to a good college, or a good grad school, or lost weight, or went to the gym nearly every day for a year, or created programs that millions of people used, or spent a summer or California or New York or published papers that I was proud of, then maybe I would feel some peace and not be constantly haunted and unhappy. But nothing I did made a dent in how depressed I was on a daily basis and nothing was in any way fulfilling. I'm not sure why I ever thought that would change anything.

I didn't realize how deep a hold he had on me and my life until my first relationship. I stupidly assumed that no matter how the darkness affected me personally, my romantic relationships would somehow be separated and protected. Growing up I viewed my future relationships as a possible escape from this thing that haunts me every day, but I began to realize how entangled it was with every aspect of my life and how it is never going to release me. Instead of being an escape, relationships and romantic contact with other people only intensified everything about him that I couldn't stand. I will never be able to have a relationship in which he is not the focus, affecting every aspect of my romantic interactions.

Relationships always started out fine and I'd be able to ignore him for a few weeks. But as we got closer emotionally the darkness would return and every night it'd be me, her and the darkness in a black and gruesome threesome. He would surround me and penetrate me and the more we did the more intense it became. It made me hate being touched, because as long as we were separated I could view her like an outsider viewing something good and kind and untainted. Once we touched, the darkness would envelope her too and take her over and the evil inside me would surround her. I always felt like I was infecting anyone I was with.

Relationships didn't work. No one I dated was the right match, and I thought that maybe if I found the right person it would overwhelm him. Part of me knew that finding the right person wouldn't help, so I became interested in girls who obviously had no interest in me. For a while I thought I was gay. I convinced myself that it wasn't the darkness at all, but rather my orientation, because this would give me control over why things didn't feel "right". The fact that the darkness affected sexual matters most intensely made this idea make some sense and I convinced myself of this for a number of years, starting in college after my first relationship ended. I told people I was gay (at Trinity, not at Princeton), even though I wasn't attracted to men and kept finding myself interested in girls. Because if being gay wasn't the answer, then what was? People thought I was avoiding my orientation, but I was actually avoiding the truth, which is that while I'm straight, I will never be content with anyone. I know now that the darkness will never leave.

Last spring I met someone who was unlike anyone else I'd ever met. Someone who showed me just how well two people could get along and how much I could care about another human being. Someone I know I could be with and love for the rest of my life, if I weren't so fucked up. Amazingly, she liked me. She liked the shell of the man the darkness had left behind. But it didn't matter because I couldn't be alone with her. It was never just the two of us, it was always the three of us: her, me and the darkness. The closer we got, the more intensely I'd feel the darkness, like some evil mirror of my emotions. All the closeness we had and I loved was complemented by agony that I couldn't stand, from him. I realized that I would never be able to give her, or anyone, all of me or only me. She could never have me without the darkness and evil inside me. I could never have just her, without the darkness being a part of all of our interactions. I will never be able to be at peace or content or in a healthy relationship. I realized the futility of the romantic part of my life. If I had never met her, I would have realized this as soon as I met someone else who I meshed similarly well with. It's likely that things wouldn't have worked out with her and we would have broken up (with our relationship ending, like the majority of relationships do) even if I didn't have this problem, since we only dated for a short time. But I will face exactly the same problems with the darkness with anyone else. Despite my hopes, love and compatability is not enough. Nothing is enough. There's no way I can fix this or even push the darkness down far enough to make a relationship or any type of intimacy feasible.

So I watched as things fell apart between us. I had put an explicit time limit on our relationship, since I knew it couldn't last because of the darkness and didn't want to hold her back, and this caused a variety of problems. She was put in an unnatural situation that she never should have been a part of. It must have been very hard for her, not knowing what was actually going on with me, but this is not something I've ever been able to talk about with anyone. Losing her was very hard for me as well. Not because of her (I got over our relationship relatively quickly), but because of the realization that I would never have another relationship and because it signified the last true, exclusive personal connection I could ever have. This wasn't apparent to other people, because I could never talk about the real reasons for my sadness. I was very sad in the summer and fall, but it was not because of her, it was because I will never escape the darkness with anyone. She was so loving and kind to me and gave me everything I could have asked for under the circumstances. I'll never forget how much happiness she brought me in those briefs moments when I could ignore the darkness. I had originally planned to kill myself last winter but never got around to it. (Parts of this letter were written over a year ago, other parts days before doing this.) It was wrong of me to involve myself in her life if this were a possibility and I should have just left her alone, even though we only dated for a few months and things ended a long time ago. She's just one more person in a long list of people I've hurt.

I could spend pages talking about the other relationships I've had that were ruined because of my problems and my confusion related to the darkness. I've hurt so many great people because of who I am and my inability to experience what needs to be experienced. All I can say is that I tried to be honest with people about what I thought was true.

I've spent my life hurting people. Today will be the last time.

I've told different people a lot of things, but I've never told anyone about what happened to me, ever, for obvious reasons. It took me a while to realize that no matter how close you are to someone or how much they claim to love you, people simply cannot keep secrets. I learned this a few years ago when I thought I was gay and told people. The more harmful the secret, the juicier the gossip and the more likely you are to be betrayed. People don't care about their word or what they've promised, they just do whatever the fuck they want and justify it later. It feels incredibly lonely to realize you can never share something with someone and have it be between just the two of you. I don't blame anyone in particular, I guess it's just how people are. Even if I felt like this is something I could have shared, I have no interest in being part of a friendship or relationship where the other person views me as the damaged and contaminated person that I am. So even if I were able to trust someone, I probably would not have told them about what happened to me. At this point I simply don't care who knows.

I feel an evil inside me. An evil that makes me want to end life. I need to stop this. I need to make sure I don't kill someone, which is not something that can be easily undone. I don't know if this is related to what happened to me or something different. I recognize the irony of killing myself to prevent myself from killing someone else, but this decision should indicate what I'm capable of.

So I've realized I will never escape the darkness or misery associated with it and I have a responsibility to stop myself from physically harming others.

I'm just a broken, miserable shell of a human being. Being molested has defined me as a person and shaped me as a human being and it has made me the monster I am and there's nothing I can do to escape it. I don't know any other existence. I don't know what life feels like where I'm apart from any of this. I actively despise the person I am. I just feel fundamentally broken, almost non-human. I feel like an animal that woke up one day in a human body, trying to make sense of a foreign world, living among creatures it doesn't understand and can't connect with.

I have accepted that the darkness will never allow me to be in a relationship. I will never go to sleep with someone in my arms, feeling the comfort of their hands around me. I will never know what uncontimated intimacy is like. I will never have an exclusive bond with someone, someone who can be the recipient of all the love I have to give. I will never have children, and I wanted to be a father so badly. I think I would have made a good dad. And even if I had fought through the darkness and married and had children all while being unable to feel intimacy, I could have never done that if suicide were a possibility. I did try to minimize pain, although I know that this decision will hurt many of you. If this hurts you, I hope that you can at least forget about me quickly.

There's no point in identifying who molested me, so I'm just going to leave it at that. I doubt the word of a dead guy with no evidence about something that happened over twenty years ago would have much sway.

You may wonder why I didn't just talk to a professional about this. I've seen a number of doctors since I was a teenager to talk about other issues and I'm positive that another doctor would not have helped. I was never given one piece of actionable advice, ever. More than a few spent a large part of the session reading their notes to remember who I was. And I have no interest in talking about being raped as a child, both because I know it wouldn't help and because I have no confidence it would remain secret. I know the legal and practical limits of doctor/patient confidentiality, growing up in a house where we'd hear stories about the various mental illnesses of famous people, stories that were passed down through generations. All it takes is one doctor who thinks my story is interesting enough to share or a doctor who thinks it's her right or responsibility to contact the authorities and have me identify the molestor (justifying her decision by telling herself that someone else might be in danger). All it takes is a single doctor who violates my trust, just like the "friends" who I told I was gay did, and everything would be made public and I'd be forced to live in a world where people would know how fucked up I am. And yes, I realize this indicates that I have severe trust issues, but they're based on a large number of experiences with people who have shown a profound disrepect for their word and the privacy of others.

People say suicide is selfish. I think it's selfish to ask people to continue living painful and miserable lives, just so you possibly won't feel sad for a week or two. Suicide may be a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but it's also a permanent solution to a ~23 year-old problem that grows more intense and overwhelming every day.

Some people are just dealt bad hands in this life. I know many people have it worse than I do, and maybe I'm just not a strong person, but I really did try to deal with this. I've tried to deal with this every day for the last 23 years and I just can't fucking take it anymore.

I often wonder what life must be like for other people. People who can feel the love from others and give it back unadulterated, people who can experience sex as an intimate and joyous experience, people who can experience the colors and happenings of this world without constant misery. I wonder who I'd be if things had been different or if I were a stronger person. It sounds pretty great.

I'm prepared for death. I'm prepared for the pain and I am ready to no longer exist. Thanks to the strictness of New Jersey gun laws this will probably be much more painful than it needs to be, but what can you do. My only fear at this point is messing something up and surviving.

—-

I'd also like to address my family, if you can call them that. I despise everything they stand for and I truly hate them, in a non-emotional, dispassionate and what I believe is a healthy way. The world will be a better place when they're dead—one with less hatred and intolerance.

If you're unfamiliar with the situation, my parents are fundamentalist Christians who kicked me out of their house and cut me off financially when I was 19 because I refused to attend seven hours of church a week.

They live in a black and white reality they've constructed for themselves. They partition the world into good and evil and survive by hating everything they fear or misunderstand and calling it love. They don't understand that good and decent people exist all around us, "saved" or not, and that evil and cruel people occupy a large percentage of their church. They take advantage of people looking for hope by teaching them to practice the same hatred they practice.

A random example:

"I am personally convinced that if a Muslim truly believes and obeys the Koran, he will be a terrorist." - George Zeller, August 24, 2010.

If you choose to follow a religion where, for example, devout Catholics who are trying to be good people are all going to Hell but child molestors go to Heaven (as long as they were "saved" at some point), that's your choice, but it's fucked up. Maybe a God who operates by those rules does exist. If so, fuck Him.

Their church was always more important than the members of their family and they happily sacrificed whatever necessary in order to satisfy their contrived beliefs about who they should be.

I grew up in a house where love was proxied through a God I could never believe in. A house where the love of music with any sort of a beat was literally beaten out of me. A house full of hatred and intolerance, run by two people who were experts at appearing kind and warm when others were around. Parents who tell an eight year old that his grandmother is going to Hell because she's Catholic. Parents who claim not to be racist but then talk about the horrors of miscegenation. I could list hundreds of other examples, but it's tiring.

Since being kicked out, I've interacted with them in relatively normal ways. I talk to them on the phone like nothing happened. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I like pretending I have a family. Maybe I like having people I can talk to about what's been going on in my life. Whatever the reason, it's not real and it feels like a sham. I should have never allowed this reconnection to happen.

I wrote the above a while ago, and I do feel like that much of the time. At other times, though, I feel less hateful. I know my parents honestly believe the crap they believe in. I know that my mom, at least, loved me very much and tried her best. One reason I put this off for so long is because I know how much pain it will cause her. She has been sad since she found out I wasn't "saved", since she believes I'm going to Hell, which is not a sadness for which I am responsible. That was never going to change, and presumably she believes the state of my physical body is much less important than the state of my soul. Still, I cannot intellectually justify this decision, knowing how much it will hurt her. Maybe my ability to take my own life, knowing how much pain it will cause, shows that I am a monster who doesn't deserve to live. All I know is that I can't deal with this pain any longer and I'm am truly sorry I couldn't wait until my family and everyone I knew died so this could be done without hurting anyone. For years I've wished that I'd be hit by a bus or die while saving a baby from drowning so my death might be more acceptable, but I was never so lucky.

—-

To those of you who have shown me love, thank you for putting up with all my shittiness and moodiness and arbitrariness. I was never the person I wanted to be. Maybe without the darkness I would have been a better person, maybe not. I did try to be a good person, but I realize I never got very far.

I'm sorry for the pain this causes. I really do wish I had another option. I hope this letter explains why I needed to do this. If you can't understand this decision, I hope you can at least forgive me.

Bill Zeller

Photo: Suicide Notes
Photo 2: Bill Zeller.
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User Content Assumption of Risk. The Oregon Herald cannot and does not monitor or manage all User Content, and does not guarantee the accuracy, integrity, or quality of User Content. All User Content provided to The Oregon Herald is the sole responsibility of the person who provided it. This means that you are entirely responsible for all User Content that you provide. To protect your safety, please use your best judgment when using The Oregon Herald content input and forums. We discourage divulging personal phone numbers and addresses or other information that can be used to identify or locate you. You acknowledge and agree that if you make such disclosures either through posting on any bulletin board, forum, blogspace, message or chat area, or uploading text, images, audio files or other audio-visual content, in classified advertising you place or in other interactive areas, or to third parties in any communication, you do so fully understanding that such information could be used to identify you.

User Content Posting Rules. Any decisions as to whether User Content violates any Posting Rule will be made by unpaid volunteer moderators and not The Oregon Herald. When you provide User Content, you agree to the following Posting Rules:

* If the photo or video depicts any children under the age of 13, you affirm that you have written permission from the child's parent or guardian to provide the photo or video.

  • Do not provide User Content that:
* contains copyrighted or other proprietary material of any kind without the express permission of the owner of that material.

* contains racist or hateful language or expressions, epithets or slurs, text or illustrations in poor taste, inflammatory attacks of a personal, racial or religious nature.

* is defamatory, threatening, disparaging, grossly inflammatory, false, misleading, fraudulent, inaccurate, unfair, contains gross exaggeration or unsubstantiated claims, violates the privacy rights of any third party, is unreasonably harmful or offensive to any individual or community.

* violates any right of The Oregon Herald or any third party.

* discriminates on the grounds of race, religion, LOCAL origin, gender, age, marital status, sexual orientation or disability, or refers to such matters in any manner prohibited by law.

* violates or encourages the violation of any municipal, state, federal or interLOCAL law, rule, regulation or ordinance.

* interferes with any third party's uninterrupted use of The Oregon Herald.

* advertises, promotes or offers to trade any goods or services, except in areas specifically designated for such purpose.

* uses or attempt to use another's Registration Account, password, service or system except as expressly permitted by the Terms of Service.

* uploads or transmits viruses or other harmful, disruptive or destructive files, material or code.

* disrupts, interferes with, or otherwise harms or violates the security of The Oregon Herald, or any services, system resources, accounts, passwords, servers or networks connected to or accessible through The Oregon Herald or affiliated or linked sites.

* "flames" any individual or entity (e.g., sends repeated messages related to another user and/or makes derogatory or offensive comments about another individual), or repeats prior posting of the same message under multiple threads or subjects.

WARNING: A VIOLATION OF THESE POSTING RULES MAY BE REFERRED TO LAW ENFORCEMENT AUTHORITIES.

Unsolicited Material and Ideas. The Oregon Herald is not responsible for the similarity of any of its content or programming in any media to materials or ideas provided to The Oregon Herald. You acknowledge and agree that if you send any unsolicited materials or ideas, you do so with the understanding no additional consideration of any sort will be provided to you, and you are waiving any claim against The Oregon Herald and its affiliates regarding the use of such materials and ideas, even if material or an idea is used that is or may be substantially similar to the idea you sent.

Communications with Third Parties Through The Oregon Herald. Your dealings or communications through The Oregon Herald with any party other than The Oregon Herald are solely between you and that third party. For example, certain areas of The Oregon Herald may allow you to conduct transactions or purchase goods or services. In most cases, these transactions will be conducted by our third-party partners and vendors. Under no circumstances will The Oregon Herald be liable for any goods, services, resources or content available through such third party dealings or communications, or for any harm related thereto. Please review carefully that third party's policies and practices and make sure you are comfortable with them before you engage in any transaction. Complaints, concerns or questions relating to materials provided by third parties should be directed to the third party.

During your visit to The Oregon Herald you may link to, or view as part of a frame, certain content that is actually created or hosted by a third party. Because The Oregon Herald has no control over third party sites and resources, you acknowledge and agree that The Oregon Herald is not responsible for the availability of external sites or resources, nor for the content, actions, or policies of those sites. Information you provide on such sites, including personal information and transactional information, is subject to the terms of service of those sites.

Notice of Intellectual Property Infringement. In accordance with the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) and other applicable law, it is the policy of The Oregon Herald, in appropriate circumstances, to terminate the Registration Account of a Member who is deemed to infringe third party intellectual property rights or to remove User Content that is deemed to be infringing. If you believe that your work has been copied in a way that constitutes copyright infringement and is displayed on The Oregon Herald, please provide substantially the following information to our Copyright Agent (please consult your legal counsel or see 17 U.S.C. Section 512(c)(3) to confirm these requirements):

  1. an electronic or physical signature of the person authorized to act on behalf of the owner of the copyright or other intellectual property interest;
  2. a description of your copyrighted work or other intellectual property that you claim has been infringed;
  3. a description of where the material you claim is infringing is located on the site (providing us with website URL is the quickest way to help us locate content quickly);
  4. your address, telephone number, and e-mail address;
  5. a statement by you that you have a good faith belief that the disputed use is not authorized by the copyright owner, its agent, or the law;
  6. a statement by you, made under penalty of perjury, that the above information in your notice is accurate and that you are the copyright or intellectual property owner or authorized to act on the copyright or intellectual property owner's behalf.

The Oregon Herald's copyright agent can be reached as follows:

Please note that the above contact information is for intellectual property infringement notices only. DO NOT CONTACT The Oregon Herald'S COPYRIGHT AGENT FOR OTHER INQUIRIES OR QUESTIONS. For other inquiries or questions, please contact us. Please also note that, pursuant to Section 512(f) of the Copyright Act, any person who knowingly materially misrepresents that material or activity is infringing may be subject to liability.

Counter-Notification for Intellectual Property Infringement. If you elect to send us a counter-notice in response to a notice of intellectual property infringement, to be effective it must be a written communication provided to The Oregon Herald's designated Copyright Agent (see above for contact information) that includes substantially the following (please consult your legal counsel or see 17 U.S.C. Section 512(g)(3) to confirm these requirements):

  1. an electronic or physical signature of the registered user;
  2. a description of the material that has been removed or to which access has been disabled and the location at which the material appeared before it was removed or access to it was disabled (providing us with a website URL is the quickest way to help us locate content quickly);
  3. your address, telephone number, and e-mail address;
  4. a statement by you, under penalty of perjury, that you have a good faith belief that the material was removed or disabled as a result of mistake or misidentification of the material to be removed or disabled; and
  5. a statement by you that you consent to the jurisdiction of the Federal District Court for the judicial district in which the address is located, or if the your address is outside of the United States, for any judicial district in which The Oregon Herald may be found, and that the you will accept service of process from the person who provided notification of intellectual property infringement or an agent of such person.

Please note that under Section 512(f) of the Copyright Act, any person who knowingly materially misrepresents that material or activity was removed or disabled by mistake or misidentification may be subject to liability.

General Disclaimer and Limitation of Liability. While The Oregon Herald uses reasonable efforts to include accurate and up-to-date information, we make no warranties or representations as to the accuracy of the Content and assume no liability or responsibility for any error or omission in the Content. The Oregon Herald does not represent or warrant that use of any Content will not infringe rights of third parties. The Oregon Herald has no responsibility for actions of third parties or for content provided by others, including User Content.

USE OF The Oregon Herald IS AT YOUR RISK. ALL CONTENT IS PROVIDED "AS IS" AND "AS AVAILABLE." NEITHER TI, The Oregon Herald, NOR ANY OF THEIR AFFILIATED OR RELATED COMPANIES, NOR ANY OF THE EMPLOYEES, AGENTS, CONTENT PROVIDERS OR LICENSORS OF ANY OF THEM, MAKES ANY REPRESENTATION OR WARRANTY OF ANY KIND REGARDING The Oregon Herald, THE CONTENT, ANY ADVERTISING MATERIAL, INFORMATION, PRODUCTS OR SERVICES AVAILABLE ON OR THROUGH The Oregon Herald, AND/OR THE RESULTS THAT MAY BE OBTAINED FROM USE OF The Oregon Herald OR SUCH CONTENT OR SERVICES. ALL EXPRESS OR IMPLIED WARRANTIES, INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY AND FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, WARRANTIES AGAINST INFRINGEMENT, AND WARRANTIES The Oregon Herald WILL MEET YOUR REQUIREMENTS, BE UNINTERRUPTED, TIMELY, SECURE OR ERROR FREE, ARE SPECIFICALLY DISCLAIMED. The Oregon Herald AND ITS AFFILIATES ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE OR LIABLE FOR CONTENT POSTED BY THIRD PARTIES, ACTIONS OF ANY THIRD PARTY, OR FOR ANY DAMAGE TO, OR VIRUS THAT MAY INFECT, YOUR COMPUTER EQUIPMENT OR OTHER PROPERTY.

The Oregon Herald CONTAINS FACTS, VIEWS, OPINIONS, STATEMENTS AND RECOMMENDATIONS OF THIRD PARTY INDIVIDUALS AND ORGANIZATIONS. The Oregon Herald DOES NOT REPRESENT OR ENDORSE THE ACCURACY, CURRENTNESS OR RELIABILITY OF ANY ADVICE, OPINION, STATEMENT OR OTHER INFORMATION DISPLAYED, UPLOADED OR DISTRIBUTED THROUGH THE The Oregon Herald. ANY RELIANCE UPON ANY SUCH OPINION, ADVICE, STATEMENT OR INFORMATION IS AT YOUR SOLE RISK.

IN NO EVENT SHALL The Oregon Herald OR ITS AFFILIATES, EMPLOYEES, AGENTS, CONTENT PROVIDERS OR LICENSORS BE LIABLE FOR ANY INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, SPECIAL, INCIDENTAL OR PUNITIVE DAMAGES INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, DAMAGES RELATED TO UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS TO OR ALTERATION OF YOUR TRANSMISSIONS OR DATA, THE CONTENT OR ANY ERRORS OR OMISSIONS IN THE CONTENT, EVEN IF ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. IN NO EVENT SHALL The Oregon Herald OR ITS AFFILIATES, EMPLOYEES, AGENTS, CONTENT PROVIDERS OR LICENSORS BE LIABLE FOR ANY AMOUNT FOR DIRECT DAMAGES IN EXCESS OF $100.

Indemnity. You agree to indemnify, defend and hold harmless The Oregon Herald and TI, each of their parent and affiliated companies, and each of their respective partners, suppliers, licensors, officers, directors, shareholders, employees, representatives, contractors and agents, and sub-licensees from any and all claims (including but not limited to claims for defamation, trade disparagement, privacy and intellectual property infringement) and damages (including attorneys' fees and court costs) arising from or relating to any allegation regarding: (1) your use of The Oregon Herald; (2) The Oregon Herald's and The Oregon Herald's use of any User Content or information you provide, as long as such use is not inconsistent with this Agreement; (3) information or material provided through your Registration Account, even if not posted by you; and (4) any violation of this Agreement by you.

InterLOCAL Users. The Oregon Herald is controlled, operated and administered by The Oregon Herald from its offices within the United States. The Oregon Herald makes no representation that materials or Content available through The Oregon Herald are appropriate or available for use outside the United States and access to them from territories where their contents are illegal is prohibited. You may not use The Oregon Herald or export the Content in violation of U.S. export laws and regulations. If you access The Oregon Herald from a location outside the United States, you are responsible for compliance with all applicable laws.

Modifying these Terms. The Oregon Herald reserves the right to change these Terms of Service at any time in its discretion and to notify users of any such changes solely by changing these Terms of Service. Your continued use of The Oregon Herald after the posting of any amended Terms of Service shall constitute your agreement to be bound by any such changes. Your use of this site prior to the time these Terms of Service were posted will be governed according to the Terms of Service that applied at the time of your use.

Discontinuation of Service. The Oregon Herald may modify, suspend, discontinue or restrict the use of any portion of The Oregon Herald, including the availability of any portion of the Content at any time, without notice or liability. The Oregon Herald may deny access to any Registered Member or other user at any time for any reason. In addition, TI or The Oregon Herald may at any time transfer rights and obligations under this Agreement to any The Oregon Herald's Company affiliate, subsidiary or business unit, or any of their affiliated companies or divisions, or any entity that acquires TI, The Oregon Herald or any of their assets.

Choice of Law. These Terms of Service will be governed by and construed in accordance with the laws of the State of Oregon, without regard to its conflicts of law provisions. You hereby agree that any cause of action you may have with respect to The Oregon Herald must be filed in a federal or state court located in Portland, Oregon.

Statute of Limitations. You agree to file any claim regarding any aspect of this site or these Terms of Service within six months of the time in which the events giving rise to such claim began, or you agree to waive such claim. No Class Actions. You agree no claim subject to these Terms of Service may be brought as a class action.

Severability. If for any reason any provision of this Agreement is found unenforceable, that provision shall be enforced to the maximum extent permissible so as to effect the intent of the parties as reflected in that provision, and the remainder of the Agreement shall continue in full force and effect.

No Waiver. Any failure of The Oregon Herald to enforce or exercise any provision of this Agreement or related right shall not constitute a waiver of that right or provision.

Section Titles. The section titles used in this Agreement are purely for convenience and carry with them no legal or contractual effect.

Termination. In the event of termination of this Agreement for any reason, you agree the following provisions will survive: the provisions regarding limitations on your use of Content, the license(s) you have granted to The Oregon Herald, and all other provisions for which survival is equitable or appropriate.

Conflicts. In the case of a conflict between these terms and the terms of any electronic or machine readable statement or policy (for example, a P3P electronic privacy policy), these Terms of Service shall control. Similarly, in case of a conflict between these terms and our Privacy Policy, these Terms of Service control.

No Joint Venture, Partnership, or Agency Relationship No joint venture, partnership or agency relationship exists between you and The Oregon Herald. These Terms of Service, our Privacy Policy, any uses of the Web site by You, and any information, products, or services provided by The Oregon Herald to you in connection with this Web site does not create and shall not be construed to create a joint venture, partnership or agency relationship between you and The Oregon Herald.

Last updated on March 14, 2013.

Copyright © 2013

The Oregon Herald Privacy Statement

The Oregon Herald operates an ad-free daily online newspapers and information service. In this Privacy Policy, "Affiliates" refers to our subsidiaries and entities that The Oregon Herald or its subsidiaries operate or have an ownership interest in.

  • The information we collect and how we collect it;
  • Information sharing and disclosure;
  • How you can access and update your information;
  • How we protect information;
  • How to contact us;
  • Your privacy rights; and
  • Changes to this policy.

The information we collect and how we collect it.

We may collect information about your visit but not about you personally, other than the information you provide in your comments or publishers account. We do not share information with outside sources. We use your your name, username, password, email address, and any other information only to better manage your account.

Please be careful and responsible whenever you are online. Should you choose to voluntarily disclose information free classified ads, on message boards, chat areas or in notices or comments you post, that information can be viewed publicly and can be collected and used by third parties without our knowledge and may result in unsolicited messages from other individuals or third parties.

When you use the Services, we use persistent and session cookies and other tracking technologies to for the sole purpose of managing your account and to better manage our website interface. We have no commercial interest in your vists or in what you post.

What we do with the information we collect.

We use the information that we collect for the following purposes:

  • For the purposes for which you provided it;
  • To process and respond to your inquiries;
  • To enforce the legal terms that govern your use of the Services; and
  • To administer and troubleshoot the Services.

How you can access and update your information.

To ensure that you have some control over the information we have about you, you may review and update certain user profile information by logging in to the relevant portions of the Services where such information may be updated (may be available on some Services and not others) or by contacting us or updating your account information.

How we protect information.

We have implemented reasonable administrative, technical, and physical security measures to protect against the loss, misuse and alteration of your information. Despite our best efforts, however, no security measures are completely impenetrable.

How to contact us.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns regarding our Privacy Policy or practices, please contact us or by other means you may have been given.

Changes to this policy.

The Oregon Herald reserves the right to change this policy at any time. Please check this page periodically for changes. Your continued use of the Services following the posting of changes to this policy will mean you accept those changes.

Copyright © 2014 The Oregon Herald.

Last updated on Janruary 21, 2014.

Copyright © 2014